I don't know if it's because I am a Libra and therefore have this strong urge to make sure everything is in balance, which by the way, it never seems to be, hence the nickname 'Unbalanced Libra' or if it's just that I am so obsessive over things, but when things take unexpectedly bad turns in my life, I need to know why - I need closure. Then and only then, can I let go.

What happens when there is no closure given? How am I supposed to let go? You may remember me mentioning about the Coven I was in years ago. The group split up and only Linda and I remained in contact. We got together all the time until one year at Samhain. She canceled on me and then a month or so later, confessed she actually canceled because she made plans to go to an open Circle with Karol, who is a former Coven member. It all went downhill from there.

Linda and I didn't get together as often anymore. I was in the middle of a divorce at the time so my focus was more on my personal life than any drama with friends. I moved after Jeff and I separated and contacted Linda and we talked - things seemed okay. Then, about 9 months later, when my grandfather died, I emailed her and she responded and was very kind in her email to me. That was that though, nothing else. I was feeling awkward and for some reason, just couldn't come right out and ask what the hell was going on.

I think a year or so went by with no contact. I ran into Linda at a Beltane festival who happened to be with Christie (former Coven member) and Karol. It was strange. They were nice to me but it was obviously fake. I found out that Linda and Karol go to the womongathering every year together. Nice, huh?

By that time I 'got it' - I mean, it was painfully obvious they all moved on, sans Bernadette and without me. But why? Never once did anyone ever tell me why.

I tried to let it go but it was always in the back of my mind. If you've ever been in a Coven, then you know how close a group can get. They were my sisters.

Fast forward to this past September. Wyatt had fallen down the steps and although it wasn't a terrible fall, I took him to the ER to have him looked at. Who was working there? Linda. I knew she worked there but she was always on the 7pm - 7am shift. She was his nurse. I had to, very uncomfortably, be in a room with her. After a bit, I tried to poke and prod about things and asked what happened and all I got was, "Well, you know, things just aren't the same anymore" That was that.
Since she was at work, she was able to keep busy and avoid it all together.

A few weeks after that, I found one of her daughters, Jessica, on Myspace, so I friended her. We emailed a few times - just about general things, how are you, how's life, blah, blah, blah. Never once did I mention Linda nor did I bring anything Coven related up. (Jess was not in the Coven with us, in fact, she is only 21 now, so back then she was young and like a daughter to me)

Things were fine until about 2 weeks go. I saw Linda's other daughter, Melissa, on Myspace, so I sent a friend request. After a few days, the friend request was no longer pending but she hadn't added me. Then, shortly after, I noticed I was minus one friend - Jess. So, I emailed Jess and asked what happened, why is she no longer on my friends list? Normally I don't bother when people 'unfriend' me but this was peculiar. I got no response.

I waited a bit and then yesterday I emailed Jess again, I said,
"Okay, I am guessing since Melissa denied my friend request and you ditched me, I did something to offend? What happened?"
I see she has read my message but still no response.

I know, LET IT GO ALREADY - but how when I haven't a clue WTF I ever did - it's just...odd.