Showing posts with label Coven. Show all posts

When I was in a Coven we had an official initiation ceremony. Going through old photos, I found a picture of the Altar:

I don't know if it's because I am a Libra and therefore have this strong urge to make sure everything is in balance, which by the way, it never seems to be, hence the nickname 'Unbalanced Libra' or if it's just that I am so obsessive over things, but when things take unexpectedly bad turns in my life, I need to know why - I need closure. Then and only then, can I let go.

What happens when there is no closure given? How am I supposed to let go? You may remember me mentioning about the Coven I was in years ago. The group split up and only Linda and I remained in contact. We got together all the time until one year at Samhain. She canceled on me and then a month or so later, confessed she actually canceled because she made plans to go to an open Circle with Karol, who is a former Coven member. It all went downhill from there.

Linda and I didn't get together as often anymore. I was in the middle of a divorce at the time so my focus was more on my personal life than any drama with friends. I moved after Jeff and I separated and contacted Linda and we talked - things seemed okay. Then, about 9 months later, when my grandfather died, I emailed her and she responded and was very kind in her email to me. That was that though, nothing else. I was feeling awkward and for some reason, just couldn't come right out and ask what the hell was going on.

I think a year or so went by with no contact. I ran into Linda at a Beltane festival who happened to be with Christie (former Coven member) and Karol. It was strange. They were nice to me but it was obviously fake. I found out that Linda and Karol go to the womongathering every year together. Nice, huh?

By that time I 'got it' - I mean, it was painfully obvious they all moved on, sans Bernadette and without me. But why? Never once did anyone ever tell me why.

I tried to let it go but it was always in the back of my mind. If you've ever been in a Coven, then you know how close a group can get. They were my sisters.

Fast forward to this past September. Wyatt had fallen down the steps and although it wasn't a terrible fall, I took him to the ER to have him looked at. Who was working there? Linda. I knew she worked there but she was always on the 7pm - 7am shift. She was his nurse. I had to, very uncomfortably, be in a room with her. After a bit, I tried to poke and prod about things and asked what happened and all I got was, "Well, you know, things just aren't the same anymore" That was that.
Since she was at work, she was able to keep busy and avoid it all together.

A few weeks after that, I found one of her daughters, Jessica, on Myspace, so I friended her. We emailed a few times - just about general things, how are you, how's life, blah, blah, blah. Never once did I mention Linda nor did I bring anything Coven related up. (Jess was not in the Coven with us, in fact, she is only 21 now, so back then she was young and like a daughter to me)

Things were fine until about 2 weeks go. I saw Linda's other daughter, Melissa, on Myspace, so I sent a friend request. After a few days, the friend request was no longer pending but she hadn't added me. Then, shortly after, I noticed I was minus one friend - Jess. So, I emailed Jess and asked what happened, why is she no longer on my friends list? Normally I don't bother when people 'unfriend' me but this was peculiar. I got no response.

I waited a bit and then yesterday I emailed Jess again, I said,
"Okay, I am guessing since Melissa denied my friend request and you ditched me, I did something to offend? What happened?"
I see she has read my message but still no response.

I know, LET IT GO ALREADY - but how when I haven't a clue WTF I ever did - it's just...odd.

Yep, once upon a time I was in a Coven, 'The Circle of Enchantment' - and I loved it. In fact, here's a picture of me from the Coven's initiation/dedication ceremony.

In the beginning, the Coven consisted of several members, men and women, which eventually dwindled (lots of drama) down to the 5 of us. The 5 of us were very happy to be together - we were a tight knit group. These women were truly my 'sisters' and I always thought of them as family.

We got together every New Moon, every Full Moon and we celebrated every Sabbat. Sabbats always consisted of ritual and lots of food! We usually had open Sabbat celebrations and everyone's family and friends came.

Here we are one year on Beltane, gathered around the Maypole!

I'm not sure why I'm blogging about this because it was so long ago, about 6-7 years to be exact. I suppose I need to just get it off my chest.

The group dynamics got weird - and it seemed to happen suddenly. We were all going through our own personal turmoil, family life stuff, but it seemed like we grew apart instead growing together. Bernadette and Christie left the group, separately. I had a tiff with Karol, who wound up leaving then. It ended up being only Linda and I.

Linda and I remained tight for almost a year after the Coven's demise. She and I still got together twice a month and on Sabbats. She was there when Olivia was born. We did all sorts of things together and I thought everything was going well.

Then Jeff and I began going through bad times, talking about getting divorced (which we did eventually) and I know my head was clouded during that time. I felt as though I was completely surrounded with negative energy and I couldn't shake it. Around July/August of 2003, I think, I told Linda I needed a bit of time for myself. We agreed to take a break but that we would resume things together that year on Samhain.

Samhain was right around the corner and we had decided to get together at her place. The night of Samhain she called me and canceled. I can't remember her excuse but I do remember the next time I saw her, which was that November, she told me she was sorry she canceled on me and she told me the reason why. She and Karol went to an open Samhain gathering - they didn't invite me because she didn't think I'd be up to it.

Ummm, okay, so she and Karol had been chatting and I had no idea? Yep, and they saw Christie at this same gathering. How nice. The rest is really a blur because I honestly don't remember what happened - except that while Linda and I did not have any sort of falling out or 'fight' we never got together ever again after that. It was kind of like she just left me.

The following year, in October of 2004, Jeff and I separated and I moved in with Zyon. I called Linda and we chatted about things and I remember thinking it was really nice to talk with her again.
In July of 2005 my grandfather died. I contacted Linda via email and told her and she did respond and it was a nice response. However, that was that. I never heard from her again. I tried calling and emailing and never heard back.

Strangely enough, in May of 2006, my friend Cherie and I went to the Fairie Festival during Beltane and what do I see?